Hate Becomes Law :: Brad Walsh

Hate Becomes Law

I wanted Obama to win, and I voted for him. But on election night I was not in a crowd of people, and I was not able to see the moment he won. I had a bad evening. I soon read some seriously bitter and rude things written by some of my friends about Obama’s win, and then gay marriage was not only rescinded but banned by straight people in Calfornia. Last night friends of mine protested in the streets of Los Angeles and were pushed and herded by police. Arkansas now officially prohibits gay couples from adopting. So I’m not feeling the hope for America as strongly as a lot of others at this time. A victory for one minority came with a heartbreaking defeat for mine.

For the first time in my life, marriage was an option. Legally, and personally. The possibility was even discussed. The fact that “heterosexuals removed, denied, and banned equal rights for gay citizens in four states” is really just too depressing to think seriously about. It makes me not want to see my family at Christmas. I know that I have aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and friends who say they love me but would go out of their way to vote against allowing me – me, personally – to get married. Gay marriage wasn’t up for a vote in Ohio this election, but I know that had it been, most of my family back home would have gone into a booth and checked a box prohibiting me from being allowed to get married and partake in all the rights that accompany that. Members of my family currently living in Florida probably did participate in the vote to pre-emptively ban gay marriage in that state. My mom would vote in my favor in Ohio, that I know. But why should she ever have to?

Why should there ever be occasion for a straight majority to choose for a gay minority which basic rights they are allowed to share? Similarly, why should a congress of men ever have the audacity to try and decide what all women are allowed and not allowed to do with their bodies (and I’m not just talking about abortion)? A collection of white people decided for blacks that they would only be allowed to stand, sit, eat, drink, learn, and shop where they were expressly told they could. Was that right? Is it right today for anyone to tell me that they should be allowed the tax, visitation, and personal freedoms that marriage brings, but I shouldn’t? Yet I still am not sure I could count on my extended family to vote in my favor, and they’re not even religious.

I don’t want to marry a dog. I don’t want to marry my brother, or a nine year old, or a pineapple. I’m not even saying I want to marry Christian. But I want the option to live my life as freely as everyone else’s. People in my family have been married two, three times. I don’t even get one. They were allowed to make mistakes. They are still making mistakes.

I’m not so selfish that I can’t see Obama’s victory as a good thing. I don’t need him to have my personal interests at heart to admire him and know that he will bring real change and be beneficial to many people who have been struggling. But he’s been elected as the leader of America, and America has simultaneously decided that I am a person of lesser value. It’s difficult to get behind that.

25 Comments to Hate Becomes Law

by Nora

On November 6, 2008 at 8:54 am

I can’t even begin to understand what you’re feeling, but I’m so sorry. It’s not right.
You took the words right out of my head, you expressed yourself so well, my heart goes out to you. And if it was up to NY, so would my vote.
by Jen

On November 6, 2008 at 10:43 am

I am from California and was passionate about Prop 8 and voted NO. I am straight and cannot fathom what it is like to have the possibility of marriage stripped from me. My sincerest apologies go out to you and to all gays.

I will continue to fight for equal rights for ALL.
by Shelly

On November 6, 2008 at 11:07 am

I’m fortunate enough that my immediate family would never vote against my right to get married, and that I live in MA where I still have that right. But I also know that my more conservative relatives in Florida absolutely voted in favor of Question 2, and were not only firm in their beliefs, but came straight out and told me. It was an absolute blow to have people who I love and care about–and who I know love and care about me–so blatantly say that the were against my right to marry and have my marriage recognized.

I guess it just shows that while America is capable of taking one step forward into progress, we’ve still got the other foot in the door.
by me!

On November 6, 2008 at 11:30 am

on the way home from work yesterday, my father & i had a discussion about the election results. we’re completely baffled at the results:

1- let me just say RIGHT NOW, i wasn’t impressed with both candidates…. i mean, this is the best our country could come up with??? and now we have a man with the only experience of 143 days as a senator about to run our country. its the equivalent of working on a dock & after 4 months, someone saying to that person, “hey, the CEO quit & now we’re giving you the position!”
2- living in California, we had some very interesting props to vote on. ill get to prop 8 in a second yet did you hear about prop 4? if not, check it out. i understand there are exceptions to every law/rule yet: 1- when i was in high school & had a headache, i couldn’t take an aspirin without someone’s permission & 2- my sister, who is a manager of a tanning salon, must have a parent come in, fill out a consent form & on file at ALL times, it will say, “this person under the age of 16 has permission to tan”…. remember, i just said TAN!
3- prop 8…. you’ll never know how much that hurts me and im straight! people keep saying it would ruin the sanctity of marriage…. um, newsflash! it had already been ruined by the many people getting married for health benefits, becoming legal and most importantly, people just thinking, “oh, ill get married & if it doesn’t work out, ill just get divorced… no big deal!” if anything, i think it would have been restored for the simple fact that most of the gay friends i have in my life want their lives to be as regular/normal as everyone else so they value their relationships, love the idea of spending their lives with someone forever, let alone, having a family of their own! for this to pass, its basically separating water fountains again….

me =(
by NomDePlume

On November 6, 2008 at 12:40 pm

Come stay at my home in Connecticut, we voted NO on 1, gay marriage is legal here yay!! I have a lovely yard we can throw you a gorgeous wedding when you’re ready. Equal rights for all!!
by Jason

On November 6, 2008 at 2:22 pm

I’ve been with my bf for 10 years. We’re more married than most legally married people I know. And, yet, we can’t make it legal. I’m so frustrated by that. But what’s more frustrating is exactly what you shared – having family who don’t support my rights. My parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents – they all lump me into ‘the gays’ category. So when they say ‘the gays are fucking everything up’ and ‘the gays want to ruin the institution of marriage’, I just want to say, ‘no, you white trash people are doing a fine job of that.’ instead, i smile and remember why i rarely talk to my family. then i rush back to my bf’s embrace and nothing else matters.
by Laynie

On November 6, 2008 at 2:45 pm

agreed.
i wish the older generation that strongly hates equal rights for all would just DIE THE FUCK OFF.
by deb

On November 6, 2008 at 3:23 pm

Well that was an ignorant thing to say. That kind of attitude does not help the cause at all. There are lots of people in the “older generation” who totally support marriage rights for gays and younger people who do not. That being said, I’m sorry the people in Cali voted it down. I don’t think it’s the end of the road for this issue by any means. It’s not that many years ago that gay marriage wasn’t even talked about. Take heart Brad. The very possibility of Obama’s election was a really long time coming. Our day will come too.
by Liam B.

On November 6, 2008 at 4:21 pm

Let’s start off by saying that I’m a high-school-aged WASP from New York and a moderate-leaning liberal. I am entirely heterosexual, although I have a lesbian relative. It pisses me off that she cannot marry in her home state of Virginia, because she and her partner (who is also black, come to think of it) are in a perfectly stable relationship and they have a two-year old son. Additionally many of my family’s friends are gay or lesbian, and I suspect that a few of my friends are also gay, though none of them have “come out” yet. So because of all this I am very sympathetic to gay issues.

Yesterday, I posted a link to the Reuters article about this on my Facebook bashing the “motherfucking fundamentalists” that brought up Proposition 8 (although I should have been more aware of the fact that the people of California are responsible for passing it). A friend of mine (very Catholic and a McCain supporter, it turns out, but I never discussed politics with her) bitched me out about bashing the fundamentalists. I asked her if she was actually defending homophobia. And then she had the nerve to suggest that Proposition 8, which denies equal legal rights for gay people, was actually not homophobic, and that I should stop bashing conservative causes because apparently I can say whatever the fuck I want and not offend anyone (my school is very liberal). Nothing makes my blood boil like someone denying obvious intolerance. It’s like claiming that it’s not racist to segregate water fountains. Needless to say, I’ve decided that I don’t roll with bigots, and I no longer consider her a friend. Actually, right now I’m so mad at her that I can hardly look at her. Ironically, she has a very close friend that’s bisexual, and if my morals were a little more lax I could have some real fun sabotaging that relationship. But really, I just don’t have it in me.

I don’t understand the people that say things like, “I have lots of gay friends! I love gay people!…but I don’t think they should be able to marry.” If you truly had no problem with gay people, why would you have any problem with them having the same rights as you? I had so much faith in America after we elected Obama. I can’t believe I have to fucking give up on America again.
by dana marie

On November 6, 2008 at 4:36 pm

i can’t even believe this is an issue, but it is
i hate the idea that some of my closest friends can’t marry for no reason other than others’ ignorance and homophobia, whereas any stupid-ass could hop a flight to vegas and marry a stranger in no time. disgusting.

i will do whatever i can to help homosexual couples gain the right to marry-it’s something i’m very passionate about.

i have hope, however, and i do believe it will happen in the future. there are persistent people like me who will never keep quiet about it and will keep fighting!!!!
by dana marie

On November 6, 2008 at 4:39 pm

ugh i just re-read what i wrote-please ignore how poorly written it is!
by Mike Elwin C.

On November 6, 2008 at 7:35 pm

I felt the same way when I heard the news. Despite Barack Obama winning (YAY!YAY!); when I heard the news of Prop.8, a part of me broke down. I’m still sad. Eventually I think it will happen, we just have to keep fighting for our rights. Peacefully though, I don’t think screaming hate on straight and religious folks will help our cause. Why perpetuate hate when you don’t want hate? Furthermore, you have talented boyfriend and you’re great at what you do. In the mean time, eat some cupcakes, take your mind off it and watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IHdaJOZe7E.
by chloe

On November 6, 2008 at 8:24 pm

It’s not over yet! The cities of San Francisco and West Hollywood are suing the CA supreme court, and I have a feeling that this will be appealed all the way to the US supreme court. It is one thing to have never legalized gay marriage and then ban it, but the US Constitution stated that EVERYONE IS EQUAL UNDER THE LAW. You cannot give gay people the right to marry and make them equal, then take it away. It is officially not considering them equal, which is against the US constitution.

NO ON H8TE
by alex

On November 6, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Wow that last paragraph really touched me. And I agree with you. We were once again. Pushed to the side.and were really not important to most of the society.
by Candace

On November 6, 2008 at 11:32 pm

Brad, I remember that you and I had a discussion a few months back and you asked me if my parents had been pressuring John and I to get married at all since we have been together for over 5 years and have a child together.
All of this just reinforces to me why we still have no desire to get married. One of the main reasons we are not and still have no plans to get married is because we don’t care if the state condones of our union together. We consider ourselves to be more “married” than many married people are in the monogamous sense and just have a hard time understanding why some people make such a big deal out it. We could care less whether or not it is written on a piece of paper or if anyone looks down on us for not having an expensive ceremony/reception. I think we tend to look at it practically as in ‘what is best for us’ versus ‘what other people might think of us’. For example, In the state of Washington, by not filing our taxes jointly every January it is actually much more beneficial to us financially.

Several people have asked me over the years why we are not married or plan on getting married and I always respond with questions of my own…”Why should the church or state have any say as to whether or not our union or anyone’s union is valid?”
“Why should we have the right to get married when we have friends who are not allowed to do the same?”
“Why should we get married when we can both currently make quite a bit more income every year and be able to own a house much faster?”
I then often get strange looks from these people who had never actually thought of it from that kind of perspective before.
It is absurd to me that some people will try to pressure others into getting married while thousands of people in this country do not even have that right or are currently being stripped of it. I suppose I am lucky that my parents haven’t pressured me at all this whole time, having grown up in a strict, religious household. They at least seem to understand why we feel the way we do.

On a side note, I hope you received my Halloween package in the mail last week
by misscorrine

On November 7, 2008 at 6:12 am

you’re making assumptions about your relatives – you don’t really know how they would vote… i think you would be surprised.

this ban on gay marriage is simply unconstitutional. it will be overturned. the question is how long till that happens?

let’s not hate on the ignorant masses (referring to your commenters, not you brad). hateful judgment is just as ignorant for us to practice as it is them.

discrimination for any reason is not right, it never was right, and it will never be right. every year, more and more people learn this. your time is gonna come.

obama inspires hope in me. i am, for once, actually hopeful for our future. you, me, my family, the u.s. and the rest of the world. our futures. it’s too bad your hopes were dashed by this ignorant vote on prop 8 (and the others). i hope you get your hope back.

meanwhile, i love you.
by Yanna Wilson

On November 7, 2008 at 8:07 am

Wow. You write with such passion. Believe that more change will come and there will be equality for EVERYONE.
by nicole

On November 7, 2008 at 9:29 am

i hope when you’re talking about cousins – you’re not referring to me.

i support same-sex marriage and really hope you know that.
by noname

On November 7, 2008 at 11:17 am

vote for brad !
by iona

On November 8, 2008 at 9:06 am

Brad – Change comes slow but it comes — I remember a time in this country where if you went to a gay movie – you could be arrested – I grew up in SE DC – I remember right before MLK’s March on Washington – I was a kid and I was warned not to go out that day because there would be riots, etc. the songs We Shall Overcome and Blowing in the Wind played on both white radio and black radio — and I watched the March on TV and everyone was so happy and smiling and there was no trouble — That was 40 years ago and now Barack Obama is president. When I was a kid, there was no mention of being gay — Ellen Degeneres came out on TV — Will and Grace was a popular show. Some will never understand, but you can not let them get to you. We just have to work harder. Do not give up hope but do not give up trying ===
by Juan Camacho

On November 9, 2008 at 1:55 pm

I cried when i read this, because this is exactly what i feel. I am in a family that won’t even look at me and now have abandoned me to in a time when i feel all alone. I felt that with Obama’s win, the country would prosper in unity and that for once everyone would be excepted. Now i dont’ know, and i don’t know what to wait for. Waking up in the mornings has just gotten a little more difficult.
by lovebunny

On November 10, 2008 at 5:59 am

juan, you have a worldwide family. i suggest you listen to brad’s “get into the family” every morning when you get up, and maybe that will make it a little bit easier to wake up every day.
by Diana

On November 20, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Amen!!! I went from total elation when it was announced that Obama won to a sick feeling due to Prop 8. My brother has been with my “brother-in-law” for 28 years, and they can’t receive each others social security benefits or carry each other on health insurance (they are in NY state, so they can…but with penalties…they have to pay taxes on the benefit). More than half of those good ol’ church going heterosexuals that voted “yes” are on their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th marriages. How in God’s name can this happen in America, that a majority can be given the right to decide the fate of a minority? We still have a long road to equality.
by Daphney

On November 23, 2008 at 7:39 am

I find your article so very interesting. Now that you mention it, it’s ridiculous that “straight” couples can get married as much as they can, but “gay” people don’t even get one try. I live in Canada and I’m beginning to worry, because I always thought that California was one of the most liberal states in the States. It makes me wonder, when I’ll be eighteen, will the bigotry only grow? I’d be happy, like you, to have a choice and be treated like any other human being. But it’s not even about me, what about my children?
I don’t want them to live in a world where they’re ostracized because of their lifestyle.

Every time I try to start a discussion in class on this subject, I’m quickly overshadowed by more “important” crisis. They say I’m too young to worry, but if not now, when should I start?

Sure we’ve made some progress. But we still have a long way to go…

When I visited your blog, I wasn’t expecting this, I really enjoyed it though.
By the way, I totally love Do It In The Streets. I’ve been listening to it non-stop for a week.

Awesomely Yours,
Soda.