Brad Walsh

Special Texts Since September

“I was 15 minutes off of my goal time, but at least i came in before katie holmes!”

“Hey logical. thanks to seasonique im not pregnant with your faggoty love child.”

“A blind man with a ny marathon number just bumped into me. HAHAHAHAHA”

“I’m going to confiscate the smarties.”

“Just stop eating them! No more smarties!”

“god smarties are the most depressing candy”

“Im eating at some restaurant on a wharf”

“Feist sings like Star Jones talks”

“Yay! Did you pick a peck of pickled wait this joke is horrible”

“I just ate a frescata”

“Im with Toni Braxton eating lobster rolls”

“no toni b is in my room checking brandy’s myspace. for clues.”

“No Tony Danza is in yr living room drinking Brandy”

“already called telma hopkins to come with her cat o nine tails”

“rah digga is here we r watchin rugrats”

“you busy? wanna come do me in the can?”

“My hotel has a grilled cheese vending machine!”

“Every single girl in RI wears flares and a hoodie and uggs”

“Isn’t Chloe Sevigny too old for Ruff Club?”

“Come to my apt. im wasted…”

“howie mandel is a liquid”

“save the wedges! you can throw out the reindeer tho unless you wanna keep it for old times sake”

“i tote just saw the cute boy from gossip girl at tekserve”

“Does anna have any blood i can use tont?”

“‘You’re the faggot who makes everything sparkle’ -woman on the phone in h&m/the way i feel about you”

“Everyone is SO straightedge here haha.”

“Want me to come rescue you drunky?”

“I’m so happy for you! I am working otherwise I would come bask in your glory”

“easier to get in bed and make mistakes with. The foundation of any decent partnership imho”

“I NEED A BIGGER NET!”

“Belvedere? is diddy there?”

“Please stop posting our personal nudes on your website. My mom won’t stop calling.”

“I LOVE MY NEW PROFILE PICTURE”

“A marine who looks like chad white just bent over in front of me and wow”

“im in your basement”

“do ridiculously tight pants count as leggings?”

“Does the mascara runneth like rivers of blood?”

“AND GOD SAYETH THERE SHALL BE FLAT HAIR!”

“Most brutal lesbian couple at the airport. Merrells! Fannypack! Beaded glasses chain! Washed out vacation destination t shirts! HAIR GEL!”

“the guy im dating says he is into necromance. is that like kissing on the neck?”