Brad Walsh

FutureBrain/LoveChicken

Living single and missing something but knowing you can’t… ugh. So many stupid things that can happen. Will power, please! It’s so difficult, though, when you want to share your successes with someone. Exciting things happening all around but not being able to share it and feeling like nobody cares but you (or people who don’t matter or don’t know you or want to know you just so they can advance themselves or try and sleep with you just to have done it) so what is the point? Have a thousand dollars to go do this. Here’s five hundred to push some buttons. Show up. Except I don’t want to show up and I’d rather live under the stairs. The only good times I have any more are when I am doing things that bored the living shit out of me years ago. Or when I am bringing the party to me. Last summer felt like nine months packed into three. This summer was work.

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For a couple months I have been mostly vegetarian. I eat meat when I feel like it, or when it’s a lot more convenient, but mostly I’ve been avoiding it. For health reasons, I guess. I don’t really know. I noticed that I didn’t particularly feel more energetic, but I definitely did feel less lethargic than normal after meals. A veggie sandwich from Subway for lunch didn’t knock me out in the afternoon the way a cheeseburger would. Usually when I ate meat on this kick it’s been chicken, mostly in takeout.

Last night we caved and bought giant meatballs for spaghetti at the amazing Italian food market on the way home, and while it was the perfect dinner for a cold Monday night, I pretty much became a quadriplegic. I was a whale beached on the living room couch, and it took major effort to force myself to clean up around the house and do some photo work.

Today my pants are not extraordinarily tight, but they are nice pants (not jeans) and skinny, and the waist is cut so that no matter what I do, you can see everything going on in vital areas. Today on the F train I may as well have been standing in my underwear.