Brad Walsh

Awkward Water-Colored Memories

I got a brand new 250 gigabyte hard drive on which to store all my photos and music making files and the like, so that if there’s a fire, I don’t have to try to carry out drawers full of backup CDs. I just have to grab this little book-sized hard drive and saunter through the smoky parlor and out the front door like a self-important git because my packrat-like electronic documentation of the last five years of my life and the lives of those around me will be safe and intact in one convenient location.

But, so, transferring all my photos from CDs onto this hard drive has reminded me of a lot of things that I had forgotten about. I can be pretty embarrassing. For example, why was I one of the three judges of the Cleveland Gay Pride Rainbow Idol singing competition in 2004, and why did I have an illusionary Mohawk of bleached hair going from my forehead to the back of my neck paired with giant white sunglasses and a button-down and necktie? First off, each of those people sang better than I do, because they were singers. Even the bad ones. Want to know a secret? I’m not a great singer. I’m a good singer, I guess, good enough to not sound like a total retard on record, but definitely not good enough to be a credible judge of a singing competition. Neither is Paula Abdul, I suppose, but I was definitely not the Paula. I was, if anyone, the Randy. I wasn’t particularly nice, but I wasn’t ballsy enough to be a total cock like Simon.

Anyway, it’s photos like these that remind me of events I would have 100% forgotten about forever. Even at the time, I think I knew I looked like an idiot. And then the set ends with a photo of Marissa shoving a corn dog at my lens.

Why did I try to karaoke Bon Jovi’s “Always” in that high a key? Why did Vicky and I crash the Black Policemen’s Picnic in the Park and eat so many sausages? Why, why, why did I move my body like that when Ethan decided he wanted to make a music video for one of my songs? Speaking of, for anyone who’s interested: remember Derek, the Oberlin Decafe lady’s son who was the security guard in that video? Robynn and I saw him on that MTV show Next a few weeks ago and MAN was it hilarious. The girl “next”ed him because he couldn’t read.