Brad Walsh

Everybody Poop Now!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER ROBBIE!

Normally I regard the words “non-drowsy formula” as being as legitimate as “invisible solid.” It’s all lies. Anytime I take something that claims to not make you drowsy, I end up falling over mid-sentence onto a keyboard or into a bowl of oatmeal. But last week I didn’t realize that the daytime version of Tylenol Cold pills contain fucking crack cocaine and make it impossible to function. I took two pills one night early in the week at 10:30 as I was shivering sick in my bed because they were the first thing Kathy brought me. I fell asleep after eleven, and woke up around one. I proceeded to flip and huff and sob until almost seven in the morning because of all the Tylenol brand Speed in my system. I played around on the internet and watched TV in the middle of the night, and then had to wake up at eight. Then the next day I was running on more of those magical pills, and even though everything in and on me ached like it had been punched, I was awake. I slept a total of maybe eight hours over three nights, but I was awake and functional every day. I am a walking miracle and maybe you should start sending me religious donations of money and blessed cupcakes.

Now, let me save some of you some trouble. I still get entirely too many Google search hits for people trying to find out “how to get into MisShapes” (understandably, because of posts like this where I type it out again, but nonetheless, it gets old). I even get the occasional e-mail or MySpace message asking the same thing, or informing me that “hey Brad, I’m coming into town and I know we’ve never met, but I would love it if you would show me around, maybe go to MisShapes.” You want to know how to get into MisShapes? Here’s a step-by-step program that I’ve just created, guaranteed to get you into MisShapes:

1. Don’t be 12.
2. Get in line.
3. Pay.

and 4. I’m not going to walk you in. You are a stranger to me, and/or you’re 12, and/or you’re propositioning me on MySpace. I am lucky enough to have people fooled into thinking I’m not a giant loser, I’m not going to start bringing random Canadians past the lines to le disko.

Speaking of le disko, I DJed at The Music Slut’s holiday show at the Delancey on Saturday.

Some bands played, and I think my favorite was Exit Clov, though Nous Non Plus was a close second. Jake and Robin and Anna and some other people came out, and I got to meet a girl from Australia (named Gillian I think) who is visiting the city and came just to see me spin! Kathy got way drunker than she intended,

and then we stopped by Rated X because Anna was hosting.

And finally, look at all the horrible faces Lawrence captured in his car after the Paper Awards last week. Everybody looks like they’re pooping.



Especially Sarah there in the middle.